The Nebraska State Athletic Commission has permanently banned MMA fighter Clay Guida and overturned his decision victory over Mac Danzig. Guida did not fail drug tests of any kind, however he did fail a genetic test. Nebraska sports scientists tested Guida shortly after his victory and apparently he isn’t a Homo Sapien. Guida’s DNA matches that of a Neanderthal.

Upon further investigation it has been revealed that an actor was hired to play Guida outside the ring and for interviews due to the Neanderthals lack of an ability to speak properly. The actor has been identified as Daniel Radcliffe of Harry Potter fame. Radcliffe reportedly spent several excruciating hours putting on makeup to look the part of Guida. Radcliffe cannot be reached for comment at this time, but can finally put this acting work on his IMDb page and resume.

It is quite shocking when you look at the characteristics of the Neanderthals and compare them to Clay Guida. “They appear to have been short and broadly built with males averaging about 5 1/2 feet tall.  The jaw was strong with large teeth.  The skull is characterized by strong brow ridges.”

 

This all makes perfect sense when you take into account Guida’s fighting style. No technique, no finesse,  but ungodly amounts of cardio and strength and the pungent smell of rotting beef.

Unfortunately for fighters with wins over Guida those will be revoked from the record books as well. The reason being that Guida’s IQ is that of aAny retarded people need to be choked? severely retarded man. For shame on Roger Huerta especially for choking him. Roger “I Choke Retarded Neanderthals” Huerta.

Dana White had this unusually articulate comment to say regarding the news, “I’m fucking shocked, totally fucking shocked fuck fuck shit balls fuck.”

Being the last of his kind scientists have transported Clay Guida to the San Diego zoo to do further research on this miracle of science.