Las Vegas—Following up on his free agent status, MMAjerk decided to take a closer look at self proclaimed
male KJ Noons. Noons was released by EliteXC for utterly refusing to fight Nick Diaz. We here at MMAjerk have come up with some startling revelations that explain these bitch moves. We hope his bitch face is self explanatory. Hint: he looks like a bitch.
Noons suffers from a rare disease scientifically called vaginitus, in which the male genitalia slowly gets replaced by female genitalia[citation needed]. Furthermore MMAjerk genealogists (fuck you spell check) discovered the Noons family hails from France. MMAjerk was able to clarify with several different sources that he also sits down to pee.
It has been scientifically proven that watching KJ Noons fight is like watching gay porno, except you don’t feel as gay after watching gay porn.
Las Vegas—After his stunning 14 second KO of Kevin “Kimbo Slice” Ferguson, Seth Petruzelli has been tapped
to write a book for the popular Complete Idiot’s Guides. The book will be titled “The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Beating Up Giant, Scary, Black People.” Set for a late 2009 release, the book is expected to be a best seller with Chuck Liddell expected to get the first copy.
There is no word if this is the work of Dana White forcing The Iceman to read the book so were forced to assume it is.
Gary Shaw trying not to admire and covet Tank's physique.
Las Vegas—President of the EliteXC fight promotion Gary Shaw was caught just hours ago egging UFC President Dana White’s house and car. The war of words between these two has been very much in the public eye. White went out to investigate the noise at about 10pm only to find egg all over his belongings. The police arrived several minutes later only to find Shaw two houses down huffing and puffing like he had just ran the Boston Marathon. It was later discovered that he was just a few feet away from where he parked his car to escape. We think we speak for everybody when we say what a gross, fat, embarrassing, fatty, McFat fuck.
White challenged Shaw to a boxing match to settle their score, “He can prove he has a bigger heart than fucking Tito [Ortiz] if he does that. We’ll make a similar show and I’ll even let him air it on fucking CBS and we’ll donate the money to fucking charity.”
Shaw, obviously afraid of that idea, fired back at White and challenged him to an eating contest, “If he’s so bad we’ll see if he can eat more pie than me. We can make a show about it and I’ll even let him air it on his precious SpikeTV.”
White, obviously afraid of that idea, could not be reached for further comment.
No charges were filed against Gary Shaw as Dana White felt being morbidly obese was punishment enough.
I know I’ve been slacking on the updates. Eat my shit I’ve been busy. Quite a few things have happened since the last update: The Ultimate Finale 5, Baroni vs. Shamrock, Penn’s title shot etc. (more…)