MMAjerk.com

Las Vegas—In trying to keep up with the fine journalists at http://mmajunkie.com/(pffft nice name, right? *jack off hand sign*) we here at MMAjerk are proud to announce that we shall be launching a Spanish version as well. Okay that’s not exactly true, but we will be posting one article(the rest of this one) in Espanol to show that we are just as classy and cultured as they are.

*upside down question mark*Donde esta la biblioteca?

Okay we’re going to cut it short right there before we alienate and offend our one Hispanic viewer.

 Albuquerque—Karo “The Heat” Parisyan was asked to leave a local gym where he was doing a seminar when an overwhelmingly horrid body odor the popular fighter possessed caused the members to hurl and curse their mothers.

“Don’t they know who I am bro?” Karo told MMAjerk journalists through a furious unibrow earlier toay. “These idiots have no idea what I could do to them.” Karo reportedly tried to coast the owner of the gym outside for a fight, but the owner wanted to avoid getting any of the terrible stink on himself and declined as politely as he could. It is widely believed that Karo would have won a boring decision if the owner did indeed fight him.

We here at MMAjerk try not to report on these disgustingly stereotypical stories, but we’ll make exceptions for Mr. Parisyan and his cheap shot taking family members that finally end up getting what’s coming to them. *Cough* Manny Gamburyan *cough*

Las Vegas—A list of companies that will hold sponsor space on Randy Couture’s shorts at UFC 91 has been released. Only MMAjerk has gotten access to this list.

• Viagra
• Fiber One Cereal
• AARP
• Life Alert(word on the street is that they’re shelling out huge piles of cash to be able to have him wear one in the ring)
• Dr. Henry Allen Phist-Proctologist
• Sunbeam Prunes

This just in, we’re huge, unoriginal dickheads… like Karo Parisyan ba dum cha!

Las Vegas—MMA icons Mask, Punkass and Skyscrape of the Tapout Crew filed for mental disability earlier this afternoon. A social worker named Hugh Simmons forced the trio to take an accredited IQ test when the member Skyscrape was seen jamming a fork into one of the electrical outlets at a local McDonalds. Mr. Simmons spoke to only MMAjerk about the situation.

“I walked up and asked them ‘who’s suppose to be watching you guys?’ They gave me a blank stare and acted as if the one with the afro and the jockstrap worn on the outside of his pants jamming metal objects into the outlet was the most natural thing in the world. The one with the face paint laughed hysterically. At that point I took them to a local psychologist where the tests were given,” said Mr. Simmons obviously concerned. This was the first time any of them had ever taken an IQ test or any test for that matter.

The results were released earlier this morning where it was discovered that a whopping 213 IQ points exist between the three members. Punkass, obviously the brains of the group, got the highest score with 76; Mask followed with a 72, and no surprises here with Skyscrape scoring a gentleman’s 65.

We here at MMAjerk were really pulling for Skyscrape to be some sort of retarded savant, but the psychologist that administered the test said he was clearly just severely retarded. You can’t win them all we suppose.

The kind hearted Hugh Simmons was unanimously voted to be the groups new caregiver. Tapout will also be releasing Tapout plastic helmets for retarders in late October.