Lets not waste any time I have to take a dump. The Ultimate Fighter Finale 5 comes to a close Saturday June 23rd. There’s some interesting matches and some lopsided matches. At the end of the day who gives a shit? It’s not like we’re paying for it this time around.

Brian Geraghty vs. Matt Wiman

This should be an easy fight for Wiman, of course you never know with this dumbass. Don’t be surprised to see Wiman out strike the shit out of Geraghty for the opening round, but also don’t be surprised to see Wiman come out to the second round raising his hands in the air like a cocky kid with down syndrome and eat another flying knee. Everytime Wiman thinks of knees now his brain automatically makes him taste ice cream. Wiman wins by TKO early second round.

Allen Berube vs. Leonard Garcia

Allen is a cook and owner of his own restaurant. Funny thing is even if this was an episode of Iron Chef Leonard Garcia would still win. A guy who willingly calls himself the “Crustacean Sensation” obviously sucks at life and everything he does with it. Leonard wins by way of not being a vagina.

Rob Emerson vs. Gray Maynard

Maynard will get the decision. There is absolutely nothing interesting to say about these boring retards. Eat my ass.

Cole Miller vs. Andy Wang

First off let me get this out of the way. Wang? His name is Wang? Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahhahaha! Moving on.

During this season it was displayed time and time again how much of a cry baby puss-bag Wang is. Miller wins by decision and we get to see Wang cry as he dishonors famiry yet again.

Joe Lauzon vs. Brandon Melendez

Lauzon is an interesting fighter because he looks like an autistic rapist. Melendez gets subbed in the first round, and maybe this will inspire him to lose the 50’s greaser douchebag look. Maybe he’ll run with it and come out to Rock ‘N’ Roll Party Queen.

Nate Diaz vs. Manny Gamburyan

Very tough fight to call. Oh, and go figure an Armenian whose name that ends in ‘i’ ‘a’ ‘n’? Next thing you’re gonna tell me is that he has a cousin in the UFC whose name ends in ‘y’ ‘a’ ‘n’. Oh, wait.

Even though I’d like to see Gamburyan worsen the already bad lisp of the Stockton native the truth is Diaz is just too long for Gamburyan. How anyone would be proud to be born and raised in the shithole that is Stockton, California is beyond me. Nate hits as hard as some women fighters… women fighters with fetal alcohol syndrome. Don’t be suprised to see Gamburyan use his rancid Armenian stench to make this into a good fight, but the dwarfing Armenian is gonna get subbed in the end up the third.

B.J. Penn vs. Jens Pulver

Pulver and Penn are scheduled for a 15 minute main event. The truth is Pulver is passed his prime and in the end is gonna get his HIS wheaties pissed on by Penn. We’ll have to see what type of shape Penn comes in though. Don’t know if it was just me, but the chunky Hawaiian bastard looked like he could’ve weighed in at 185 during this last season. Still Penn subs Pulver in the second. Even though I don’t know if Penn can go that long without having Maynard’s or Lauzon’s cock out of his mouth. Supposedly Pulver has been talking about going to the WEC and fighting at 145lbs where Urijah Faber is likely to rape him if that fight ever happens.