I’ll be honest this is an impressive god damn card. A card full of opportunities and last chances. Lets get down to business.

Chris Lytle Vs. Jason Gilliam

I see Lytle has been given one more chance, and I can’t help but wonder if Lytle even remembers how to be in an exciting fight. Taking a look at Gilliam I can’t believe this guy hasn’t started his own babysitting business, fucker just looks like a child molester. Both of these boys are from Indiana so don’t expect any mind blowing pre or post fight interviews.

Lytle submits Gilliam and still no one will remember or give a shit who he is.

Mike Nickels Vs. Stephan Bonnar

You can take one look at Mike Nickels and it’s not hard to see that this guy isn’t the best decision maker in the world. Tattoos on the upper neck and face? Mike you’re a fucking genius. This was taken from the UFC’s fight finder on Mike Nickels.

Did you go to college and if so what degree did you earn? No

There’s a shocker. Mike with the way you look you can only be a tattoo artist, fighter or serial killer.

Bonnar hasn’t been in the octagon since his little steroid stunt with his second fight with Forrest Griffin. If his testicles are back to normal size, and if his back acne is gone expect The American Psycho to beat Nickels’ tattooed ass all over the cage. Nickels couldn’t even out strike a retarded, def wrestler in Matt Hamill, I don’t think he’s gonna fare too well against Bonnar who’s a Golden Gloves Boxing champion. Wait Hamill isn’t retarded? Well he fooled me.

Bonnar by TKO in the second.

Heath Herring Vs. Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira

Holy shit Joe Silva, where did you ever get the idea to match these two guy? Douchebag. Big Nog submits Herring and hopefully pisses on him afterwards. No disrespect to Herring, I mean the guy is boring, over paid, has horrid jiu-jutsu, and a big fucking head. What’s not to like?

Mark Bocek Vs. Frank Edgar

This is actually the fight I’m most excited about. I love it when red headed Canadians and loud mouthed guidos fight because the fans always win. A little information for those of you that aren’t familiar with Bocek. BJ Penn said this little bastard has given him everything he could handle in jiu-jutsu, and none of his fights have left the first round. That being said the only thing Bocek’s going to be able to do is let Edgar punch him in the face for three rounds. Edgar’s gonna stuff each and every single take down attempt using his freak plumber strength and superior wrestling.

In the end Bocek will have no answer for Frank “The Answer” Edgar. Ha ha. Did you see what I did there? I think I’m ready to write for Sherdog now. Somebody fucking shoot me if I ever start writing like that.

Rashad Evans Vs. Tito Ortiz

Cocky black guy vs. Cocky guy who thinks he’s Mexican. Tough choice. The bottom line is that Rashad is a better wrestler, has better hands, and Tito’s head is impossible to miss. I’m excited to see what played out, generic t-shirt Tito will wear to this fight that won’t sell.

Rashad wins by unanimous decision.

Hermes Franca Vs. Sean Sherk

You know I’m sorry before I continue we have to address Franca’s freakishly large lips. Everytime that guy talks it looks like a giant, fat pussy is talking to me. Moving on. Franca has openly admitted that he doesn’t run or even really train cardio. If Franca doesn’t end this fight in the first he’s going to be in a world of hurt against Sherk.

Oh yeah Sherk, don’t worry no one’s going to think you’re on steroids after your All Access appearance. This guy takes 22 or 23 supplements three times a day, and his workout puts the crazy one Rich Franklin did on his All Access appearance to shame. Just say you put juice in your butt next time Sherk.

Sherk takes this one by unanimous decision.

Nate Marquardt Vs. Anderson Silva

Marquardt get’s KO’d. Eat shit these fucking guys are boring.